Cipollini’s Sexy Goes DefCon One with NUKE Time Trial Machine

Cipollini Nuke Nome Personalizzato

I am of the school that holds that cycling is an inherently stylish pursuit. The professor emeritus of that school is Mario Cipollini, the Italian (natch) world champion who dominated the peloton with blazing speed and and unsurpassed fashion sense. Renowned for his outrageous skinsuits, he was the first Tour leader to go all yellow: kit, gloves, bike, socks, the works. He racked up fines for this and doing things like beaning officials with water bottles. Off the bike he was bigger than life, his shocking good looks complimented by a wardrobe so vast he was rumored to never wear the same suit coat more than once. He was more Prime Time than Deion Sanders.

Now at the helm of his eponymous brand, “Cipo” is lending his flair for the dramatic to the decidedly staid domain of time trial bikes. Engineered for pure speed and minimal drag, I usually deign look over my nose at TT – or triathlon – bikes. I’ve struggled to find the soul in these machines, and their riders look only a trifle less silly than the slouching technocrats who pilot recumbents.

However, the Cipollini NUKE may change the way I think. The obscenely stiff black and white frameset is bedecked in the finest Italian componentry, and Cipollini’s  name screams from every available centimeter of surface area.  As to the prospective rider’s appearance, the man himself, looking damn swol for a guy a decade past his prime, albeit with his legendary locks tragically shorn, mounts up in a totally over-the-top promotional video that is weirdly reminiscent of the final shootout in Lethal Weapon 2. Seriously.

Get your diplomatic immunity revoked after the break…


Let me start with one small criticism: Cipollini would be more convincing about the bike being “handmade in Italy” if they shot the promo vid somewhere other than a shipping terminal full of cargo containers from Asia. However, I totally buy Super Mario going for a two minute spin and picking up a pair of supermodel toxic waste handlers: the guy testosterone doped during the Tour de France by taping a picture of Pamela Anderson to his handlebar, and after a Giro stage said in lieu of pro cycling he might be a porn star.

Nuke Fork

Nuke Atomlink

The second half of the video (if you deduct the 50 second credit reel) gives a pretty cool peek at some of the design technology. Cipollini integrates a brand new brake from a yet-to-be-disclosed manufacturer into the fork and chainstays to minimize drag. There is an integrated stem that can be “flipped” for 12 mm of height adjustment, the seatmast is adjustable and setback can be flipped as well. The rear triangle is also bonded to the frame via his “Atomlink” system. Cipollini claims that the design provides a much stronger bond than the “normal” way of mating the chainstays into a female receptacle.

The semi-monocoque frame and fork are built using a combination of extremely strong T800 and T1000 carbon fiber. It will be available in two configurations: Time Trial/Triathlon and Track. The former gets a full Campagnolo Super Record EPS gruppo – save the mystery brakes – and uses a threaded 68mm BSA bottom bracket shell BB386 pressfit bottom bracket. The track bike has horizontal dropouts and a BB386 pressfit bottom bracket threaded 68mm BSA bottom bracket shell. Both bikes come with a Pro Missle EVO TT “aerobar” mounted to the aforementioned stem, Selle Italia SLR Teckno 90 gram carbon saddle, and Campy’s aero Bora Ultra crankset and wheels – 80 mm front and full disc rear – mounted with Vittoria Road CX tubular tires.

The bike will be available in four sizes, full geometry below.

NUKE Geometry

Pricing and additional details will have to wait until Interbike.

MCipollini.com

Comments

STS - 09/03/14 - 4:58pm

Holy crap, Andrew,

what did you smoke, boy?

Seraph - 09/03/14 - 4:59pm

What the hell is “swol”? Are you a teenage girl? Can you even?

alvis - 09/04/14 - 3:21pm

yeah!!! The TT/Tri version gets a 68mm BSA threaded BB at last some common sense from the great man! Please let the others take note and follow.

If its got 85% of the market it’s a standard otherwise its just another format.

alvis - 09/04/14 - 3:24pm

I bet that’s a typo though; what the hell would you do with 386 press fit BB on track bike.
Damn Mario what were you thinking.

Dave - 09/04/14 - 3:27pm

Easily the best video ever produced.

Andrew Stackhouse - 09/04/14 - 3:30pm

The press release and catalog contradict each other on the BB config, but the Cipollini US sales staff said its BSA on road, 386 on the track.

Just got an update from Cipollini, it is the BSA for track and Pressfit for road

Topmounter - 09/04/14 - 3:37pm

Will there be a Cipo 2003 Vuelta a Espafia Prologue Signature Edition?

feldy - 09/04/14 - 5:12pm

After watching that video, I think I empathize with Homer Simpson better after he watched the Mr. Sparkle video. “That didn’t explain anything.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-S5PZb8MJE

Chris - 09/04/14 - 5:42pm

Am I really the only one who finds it odd that Cipollini is making a TIME TRIAL bike?? That’s sort of like Russell Wilson endorsing marathon running shoes. Cipo was a great sprinter but time trial rider? Not so much.

Alex - 09/04/14 - 5:52pm

Hmmmm, Radioactive nuke and they are wearing flame retardant suits? that sums up this video. None of it makes any sense.

Bubbrubb - 09/04/14 - 6:22pm

Handmade in Italy, by whom?

kt - 09/04/14 - 6:44pm

No. Best post ever. We of all people need a laugh post every now and again.

This made my day.

RED - 09/04/14 - 7:54pm

Shut up and take my money!

anonymous - 09/04/14 - 8:22pm

@alvis
Stop trying to shove your made up definition of standard down people’s throats.

The only thing your arbitrary 85% means is that only Shimano can develop a standard after generations of trickle down, and between that transitory period between standards, there are no standards and only formats.

chris - 09/04/14 - 8:36pm

I’m about as far from the target demographic as can be but that was awesome. Always liked his style.

Andrew - 09/04/14 - 9:09pm

What did I just watch?

Pisgah Pro - 09/04/14 - 9:25pm

Easily the best press release review ever produced.

greg - 09/05/14 - 12:39am

@bubbrub,
handmade in italy by them. really. theyre the only ones doing monocoque (technically this one isnt) in italy. colnago does tube n lug, carrera and others do tube-to-tube. i applaud him for that.
and it’s cipo! he’s awesome. if he came out with a bmx bike, id probably at least check it out.

Mindless - 09/05/14 - 2:22am

MAMIL? Stylish?

Snort…

deboat - 09/05/14 - 3:25am

WOW!!! I have no interest in TT bikes but that vid was the best! I would buy his bikes only for him to make more vids like that.

Al - 09/05/14 - 11:09am

Very nice but what was the targetr of the operation ???

sgt stiglitz - 09/05/14 - 11:12am

i’m laughing… but my brain hurts… and i feel kinda dirty…

(which, to their credit- is probably the EXACT reaction they were looking for!)

David - 09/05/14 - 4:03pm

That was incredible.

gabbia79 - 09/14/14 - 11:47pm

Pretty and very inovative bike. I just got to see at the show, very sweet.
Cipo always did have a couple of good looking Betty’s on his side with some excellent flair. Dia mf dia!

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