Richard Virenque Endorses V7 Energy Drink – It’s Like Bottled Radioactive Lightning With EPO In It!

This overlooked treasure of a video comes to us by way of Cycleboredom.

I don’t speak French, but I don’t think that is what’s preventing me from understanding what the hell is going on in this video. As near as I can tell, former multiple-time Tour De France King of The Mountains jersey winner and convicted doper, Richard Virenque is now endorsing an energy drink called V7. It looks like Virenque anyway…or maybe the thing that ate Virenque. If it is Virenque he’s looking more “King of The Macarons,” than King of The Mountains these days.

The video is LAUGH OUT LOUD funny enough to be a put on, so I Googled V7 to make sure that I wasn’t watching a fake commercial created by whatever the French equivalent of Saturday Night Live is. I didn’t want to get punked like that Chinese newspaper did when they took that Onion story about congress wanting a Capitol building with a retractable dome seriously.

V7 may contain some of the following ingredients: radioactive green slime, lightning, and Tourine — a substance extracted from the adrenal glands of doping Tour De France riders. It is rich in red blood cells, testosterone, and human growth hormone. Virenque demonstrates that V7, like all good energy drinks, is best when drunk out of a goblet. (I always drink my Diet Rockstar out of a goblet — it makes me feel classy and energetic at the same time, which helps to offset the emasculation I experience when drinking anything with”diet” in its name.)

At about 7 seconds in Virenque looks down at a can of V7 as if he is perplexed…or in pain…or both. It’s like he’s asking himself those two questions that David Byrne of Talking Heads posed so long ago: “Well, how did I get here?” and “My god, what have I done?”

Screencap of that awkward moment after the break.

“How did I get here? My god, what have I done? And how did I get so fat doing it?”

Comments

Luc - 02/09/11 - 1:19pm

What he says is: I present you my apple flavoured energy drink “V7″ which reacts to a black light!

Who cares if it reacts to a black light!

ThomP - 02/09/11 - 1:25pm

I care Luc…I care!

Because it makes it even more hilarious.

Thank you for that, much appreciated.

- t

Luc - 02/09/11 - 2:19pm

It sure does!

Carlito - 02/09/11 - 2:33pm

LoL Nice review.

bb - 02/09/11 - 4:16pm

Best part is when he takes one sip which equates to two swallows and three lip smacks…sure signs that this stuff must taste fantastic!

*Please note the definition of ‘Fantastic’ in this application is ‘Like Ass’.

Marcassin - 02/10/11 - 5:20am

Let’s face it, Richard turn into a little entrepreneur. At least we must give credit to his self-deprecating speech and he admitted taking drugs not like a famous maillot jaune.

One more thing, I seem to remember that Virenque was involved into dramatic bike accident 2-3 years ago. His fork or his frame broke (don’t remember) accidentally during an amateur race and his face was damaged.

The real question is : Does our urine react to black light ?

Iain - 02/10/11 - 9:19am

Does the 7 represent his biggest ever shot of EPO?

Looking at the colour, I’d question what the hell that’s going to do to my intestines! Will my gut glow in the dark if I have enough?

kihsleek - 02/10/11 - 12:26pm

I guess the 7 represents the number of his TdF polka dot jersey victories (1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1999, 2003, 2004).

Marcassin - 02/10/11 - 12:53pm

I guess the 7′s for his 7 “meilleur grimpeur” jersey

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