Liz Hatch, Every Single Piece Of Me

Liz Hatch – Every Single Piece… from Dovydas Augaitis on Vimeo.

One night, years ago, I went to see a stand-up-comedian-friend perform at the Comedy Studio in Harvard Square, a dark, little club above the Hong Kong restaurant. Unbeknownst to, well…anyone, great Boston comic Steven Wright was, as my grandmother says, “in the hiz-ouse” that night. Wright was there to try out some material for his upcoming show at the Wang Center (or some other big venue that may or may not have been named after a euphemism for a part of the male anatomy). One memorable joke went like this:

“My buddy just got an ADHDTV. You can’t watch anything for too long on it, but whatever you do watch is really intense.”

And that’s sort of what this video is like: it’s short, I have no idea what the hell is going on, but it’s REALLY intense.

The video shows professional cyclist Liz Hatch riding around wicked fast on her Pinarello without a helmet on (because apparently brain injury only happens in real life; not in art). Then the animated skeletons from The 7th Voyage of Sinbad appear out of nowhere (looking like a bunch Fat Michael Rasmussens), hop onto Trek Madones and give chase. Luckily Liz is able to blow them all to smithereens with a devastating blast from her Wave-Wattage-Gun.

I suppose there are worse ways to go.

Comments

Uri - 01/08/11 - 6:27pm

Really doesn’t present Treks in a good light. I initially thought it was an ad for Tide. Then I realized it was an elaborate remake of Golden Axe http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHeYR1_Ej7Q

gob - 01/08/11 - 7:30pm

This is the first time I’ve ever seen her win anything. Good for her!

um - 01/08/11 - 7:54pm

what the hell was that? the panting was nice though.

GlobalExpress - 01/08/11 - 8:57pm

gob, That’s funny becasue it’s true!

Dicky - 01/08/11 - 9:19pm

Damn you tHom. I watched that because of you.

My hate grows and grows.

Erich - 01/08/11 - 10:42pm

I’m hoping for a follow up where she rides a fixie aimlessly around town for a while and then uses her u-lock to zap a parking meter that has turned into a giant, hissing cobra.

Xris - 01/08/11 - 11:56pm

I will not get those 3 minutes of my life back. I could have been looking at something worthy of that time, like kittens falling down a slide.

zen - 01/09/11 - 1:12am

At first, I’m thinkin’ “I really don’t get the point of this video, are they selling bikes or liz hatch?”, then I thought “who the fuck cares, anytime liz hatch wraps her legs around something, I’m interested”.

Robin - 01/09/11 - 1:27am

That was good, right up until the skeletal stupidity, then the whole video went tits up.

ed.rides.bikes - 01/09/11 - 1:43pm

WTF

as much as I enjoy watching Liz Hatch, those are 3 min of my life I won’t get back…

legend - 01/09/11 - 2:16pm

Awesome, not only does Liz Hatch suck at bike racing, she also makes stupid videos about it. Yuck

Nick - 01/09/11 - 6:15pm

Ah, the Anna Kournikova of bike racing….not that there’s anything wrong w/that.

d-wu - 01/09/11 - 6:26pm

I feel dumber…

nick - 01/09/11 - 9:22pm

total waste of time.

mike - 01/10/11 - 12:18pm

she might be a shameless self promoter… but hey, we all watched it…

Tom - 01/10/11 - 4:49pm

Nick: Sorry dude but there is something wrong with a women who aspires to be the Anna Kournikova of bike racing….so many other worthy woman bike racers out there.

Daniel - 01/11/11 - 12:32am

I think that was the lamest bike video I have ever seen.

Huck - 04/15/11 - 6:05pm

Hey Tom, none of ‘em look like LH . . .

Post a comment:

Comment sections can be a beautiful source of knowledge, conversation and comedy. They can also get pretty ugly, which is why we've updated our Comments Policy. If your comment isn't showing up or suddenly disappears, you might want to check it out.