Second to last in the Bikerumor Media Cup profile list is Misfit Psycles’ Peter Keiller. The BMC is the race within a race for us blogger/journo folk at the 2010 Breck Epic. So far, youâ€™ve met Rich â€œTeam Dickyâ€ Dillen and Doper Suckâ€™s Brandon Dwight, Jasen Thorpe, and yours truly, Tyler Benedict. There’s one more left after Peter, followed by the big unveil of the actual “cup” prize. Without further ado, the all-caps yelling response from Mr. Keiller:
Name: PETER MOTHERF—ING KEILLER
Hometown: SCHOMBERG ONTARIO
Breck Epic Race Bike: MISFIT PSYCLES DISSENT ALC, MODEL YEARS ARE FOR BIKE CONGLOMERATES THAT SHORT SIGHTEDLY LIMIT THEIR PLANNED (DESIGN) OBSOLESCENCE TO ONCE A YEAR…MY FRAME, LIKE THE COMPUTER I PECK ON, WAS CURRENT WHEN I GOT IT.
Bike Spec: BLACK ANNO SHITE WITH SOME THIS OR THAT BUT MOSTLY JUST BLACK SHITE HELD TOGETHER WITH A FAB CANE CREEK S110 AND ELECTRICAL TAPE (ALSO BLACK).
Weight: I WEIGH IN AT A SEXTACULAR 175LBS, THEREFORE, MY BIKE MUST WEIGH A FIERCE 52LBS.
My name’s ALREADY BEEN ESTABLISHED and I’ve been riding bikes since I was 5 years old and racing for 3 years. I COULD MORE ACCURATELY SAY THAT I DON’T RACE, I PREFER TO THINK THAT I AM JUST RIDING AROUND AND SOMETIMES (WHILE I’M RIDING AROUND) SOMEONE (OBVIOUSLY WITH A VENDETTA AGAINST ME FOR BEING MORE AWESOME) TIMES IT, AND TIMES IT BADLY.Â I currently race PRO EXPERT SPORTY UNISEX SINGLESPEED, and my favorite racing accomplishment is QUITTING A 9HR RACE IN MIDLAND ONTARIO BECAUSE I WAS TOO HOT…QUITTING IS HARD…HARDER THAN RACING I WOULD SAY AND I REALLY FELT LIKE I DID SOMETHING BIG THAT DAY.
I’m ‘racing’ in the Bikerumor Media Cup because I COBBLE WRY WIT AND FAN THE FLAMES OF BIG BOX AWESOME for MISFIT PSYCLES: LIESNSHITE, MOSTLY I THINK IT WOULD TOTALLY BE GOOD FOR BUSINESS, UNLESS I GET TOO BUSY THEN IT’LL SUCK AND I WILL CURSE THE DAY.
Unfortunately, EVERYONE ELSE REGISTERED is racing in the Cup too, which sucks because THEY ARE PROBABLY ACTUALLY TRYING TO RACE and will likely SUCCEED WHERE I DON’T…BUT THEN I’LL SAY I DIDN’T WANT TO RACE AND THE JOKE WILL BE ON THEM AND I WILL BE THE REAL RACE WINNER.
However, EVERYONE ELSE* REGISTERED IS racing in THE MEDIA CUP, which is good because THE RACE WILL SOFTEN THEM UP FOR THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE, EACH EVENINGS MANDATORY FEATS OF STRENGTH.
Thus far, my training has consisted of NOT RACING (AND NOT RACING WELL) IN BETWEEN BOUTS OF PREMATURE TAPERING. In the month leading up to the Breck Epic this August, I’ll be preparing by STAPLING MY NOSTRILS CLOSED AND SLEEPING FACE DOWN IN A PILLOW TO RE-LEARN BREATHING AT ALTITUDE.
If I win the Cup, I’ll celebrate by SHAKING MY FIST VIGOROUSLY AND STERNLY RENOUNCING THE BIKE RUMOR INSTITUTION FOR IT’S CLEARLY CORRUPT MEDIA CUP RACE REGULATIONS.**
* Editor’s Note: Only those select few folks that generate some or all of their meager incomes from writing about or for the cycling industry are competing in the BMC.
** Editor’s Note 2: Jeez, you try and do something nice…