Mattel Inc. is recalling 7 million of their Trikes and Tough Trikes toddler tricycles “that could cause injury if a child strikes, sits or falls on a protruding plastic ignition key.” That doesn’t sound all that terrifying does it? But for some strange reason most of the press releases regarding this product recall don’t use the language from the CPSC website; they put it a little more bluntly over there:
Hazard: A child can strike, sit or fall on the protruding plastic ignition key resulting in serious injury, including genital bleeding.
I could see some old school, tough dad shrugging off the less graphic version of the recall explanation “Ah whatever, kids are too soft these days. When we were kids we rode our bikes around all day without helmets, with pointy sticks in our mouths…once in a while we’d slow down long enough to take some candy from a stranger.” He might even balk at the recall notice if it went:
Hazard: A child can strike, sit or fall on the protruding plastic ignition key resulting in serious injury, including GOUGING OUT OF AN EYEBALL.
“Lose an eyeball, bah! Tommy’sÂ got two…who needs two eyes anyway? And so what if he lost an eye? He could get an eye patch and then he’d look like a pirate. Pirate’s are awesome, everyone knows that. He’d look even cooler if he lost hand or a leg too. Maybe we should get him that Fisher-Price Little People Chip N’ Chop Wood Chipper set.”
But bring the jewels into question and Old-School dad is going to change his tune right quick, “Bleeding genitals! Why didn’t you just say bleeding genitals?” (Well because it’s a really, incredibly unpleasant phrase to hear for anyone, but it does drive the, um…point home.)
Click more to see photos of the deadly-crotch-wrecking-ignition-keys in question, and to read the CPSC release…